Thursday 15th November 2007 - Newsletter No. 125 Contact Us: info@michaelheppell.com Contribute: michaelsdesk@michaelheppell.com
SEVEN DAYS TO INCREASED CONFIDENCE

You could be the most qualified, well-organised, pleasant, polite person who appears complete in every way, but without the confidence to express who you really are, to share your ideas, to get people on board, then you’ll always feel hampered. Confidence is king! When you meet someone who seems to ooze confidence, do you find yourself thinking, ‘how lucky’? Guess what? Self-confidence is far from luck. You aren’t born with confidence, it’s a learnt behaviour. True, most confidence building is learnt during childhood but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to be more confident now.
Take this confidence test and score yourself out of 10 for each statement: 1 I find it easy to start a conversation with strangers. 2 I am happy to talk to strangers if they start to talk to me first. 3 I never worry about what people think about me. 4 I enjoy public speaking. 5 I make friends easily. Total Total up your score and see where you are. 40–50: You could write this chapter! You know the secret of self confidence so I guess you only need to brush up a little. 25–39: Reasonable but I bet you’d rather do pretty much anything other than the public speaking! 10–24: I’m guessing you are confident with the ‘knowns’. I predict you gave yourself a high mark for being happy to talk to a stranger who talks to you but not so high if you have to start the conversation yourself. 0–10: Oh, dear! Well, the good news is you can only become more confident! Let’s start with a few tips Five ways to guarantee an increase in confidence in just 7 days 1 Think about what you are frightened of and overcome that fear first. By taking some time to identify what it is (specifically), you’ll start to rationalise the thinking that takes place behind the fear. So, if you are worried about speaking in public then identify what it is about this worry. Do you fear it may all go wrong, that people won’t listen, that you’ll go bright red? Be as specific as you can be. 2 Master positive mental rehearsal. You have probably mastered the negative version already where you play images of the unconfident you. Instead, focus on playing an image where you look, feel and act confidently. Feel the fears but also see yourself overcoming them. 3 Baby steps. Take some small actions which reinforce your new confident self. Go to a different shop. Buy different food. Call a friend whom you haven’t talked to for a while. Make eye contact. Every time you take these actions, you reinforce in a small way that you are becoming more and more confident, so congratulate yourself. 4 Spend time with pleasant, confident people. I know it’s difficult when you feel you are lacking confidence yourself, but it rubs off. I said pleasant people very deliberately. I mean confident people who will introduce you to others and who will look out for you. There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance and you want to spend time with the confident ones. 5 Tell yourself you are confident – but say it like you mean it. Affirmations are powerful tools to help you become more like the person you want to be. It’s simple. If you want be more confident, start saying: ‘I feel more and more confident, in every way, every day’. Brill Bit There is only ‘right’ in learning. Often we worry we are going to ‘get it wrong’, which leads to low levels of confidence. If you change your thinking from ‘right or wrong’ to ‘right or learning’ then you’ll only ever be right or learning. “If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint’, then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent van Gogh This news letter is taken from an extract of Michael’s New Book, ‘Brilliant Life’ published by Pearson Prentice Hall January 1st 2008.

Michael has spent the last 10 years of his life working with over half a million people around the world. *This is your* chance to ask Michael a question that affects you, your business, or any other area of your life.**
Send your questions to michaelsdesk@michaelheppell.com and type 'ask michael' in the subject. A selection will be answered in the next edition of the newsletter. Michael, I own and run a small clothing outlet in Bristol. Over the last few weeks we’ve had a problem with one particular customer who keeps on returning goods days after purchasing. The staff and I suspect that she might well be wearing them and returning them but of course we have no evidence to back this up. Regards, Kate Dear Kate There is an old saying which goes along the lines of ‘The customer is always right’. And on this occasion that saying sucks. If (and it’s a big if) you are sure your customer is wearing clothes then bringing them back you have a duty to show your most important customers –YOUR STAFF that you are a strong leader and in a firm but polite way you need to challenge that customer. If you need a good reason remember that 99% of customers are wonderful, honest and happy to pay – do it for them. Michael Dear Michael, I’ve been working for a large insurance company for a long time now and I find myself stuck in a bit of a rut! Although I can do the work and there’s the security of being able to pay the bills, I really think it’s time I did something a little more ambitious. I can’t help thinking that if I don’t do it now I may never get the chance. I’ve just turned 45. Cheers, Hugh Oh dear Hugh. I can feel sports car, dodgy hair cut and acute embarrassment coming on as you desperately search for your ‘authentic self’. The real Hugh has been suppressed and hitting 45 has acted as a tipping point. My challenge to you is to flex your ‘risk muscle’ a little before you make a life changing and potentially wrong decision. I don’t know if you wanted me to advise you to ‘Go for it!’ resign, travel the world and live the dream’? My guess is if that’s what you wanted you wouldn’t have done it by now. So take a few smaller risks first and build your confidence – this months news letter should help. You’ll soon find the real Hugh and it might not be as far from you as you think. Michael
If you've been inspired by any of Michael's work we want to hear from you! Send your success stories to michaelsdesk@michaelheppell.com
Brilliance in a small business - from London to Leeds was all it took. When Matt, the MD of a recruitment company, saw How To Be Brilliant in London's King's Cross Station he bought it to read on the train journey back to his office in Leeds. During that short trip, not only did he read the book (a record?) but he also made a committment that SVB Recruitment, the firm he started with his wife four years previously, was going to be brilliant. Matt bought copies for all his team and held regular West Wing meetings with only one agenda item, 'How To Be Brilliant'. They had dozens of great ideas, from their vision 'To be recognised as the most hospitable recruitment company in the world' to their now legendary '5 o'clock Chablis' events where they invite clients to visit their office on a Friday afternoon to share their success. Creativity shone from the team, a perfect example being in their brilliant use of language: wouldn't you love your company to have a staff recognition scheme where the prizes are kept in the 'rewardrobe'? Extract taken from the new Second Edition of How To Be Brilliant. See the brilliant work SVB Recruitment do looking at their website: http://www.svbrecruitment.co.uk/