If you want to know the person you will become in five years time then take a close look at the books you read and the people you spend your time with.  These two areas will have a bigger impact on your life than any other. I’m sure you have a good idea of the type of books you read, so in this newsletter I want to focus on the people you spend your time with.

Having a brilliant group of friends who are there for you during the bad times and are happy for you in the good times is the ultimate goal.  Unfortunately, you will have had the experience of jealous friends during your good times and those who seem to leave like rats off a sinking ship when times are bad.  It’s not that they mean to do it; perhaps it’s bred into us from an early age (especially the bit about being jealous of success).

Getting the right group

So how do you find the right group of people to spend your precious time with?  There are two types of friends; those who you have to spend time with i.e.; colleagues, family, associates of clubs and societies etc and those who we choose to spend time with… our friends.

‘People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.’
Brian A. ‘Drew’ Chalker

The accelerated relationship experiment

This week on Thursday around 15 people will arrive at Elstree Studios, North London to spend the next three months being watched by the nation.  Yes it’s that time of the year again – Big Brother.  Just put aside whatever you think about the programme for a moment and think about Big Brother like this – an accelerated relationship experiment.  You will witness; reason, season and lifetime relationships taking place over a period of just 3 months.  I love it!  Watch how they try to build relationships when they first arrive, see them form groups, fall out (fall back in), develop what they claim will be life long relationships, then (other than the odd exception), after the wrap party never see each other again. Brilliant for people watchers.

Know your friends

Guess what? Our lives are no different.  It’s just that the time scale may be stretched a little. Come on, I bet there are a few friendships where you feel a tinge of guilt because you haven’t been in touch with them for a while.  I bet you have a couple of mates who when they call or ‘you have to go out with them’ you really can’t be bothered – what did you EVER have in common? And then there will be others, a special few, who you know will be around forever.

To find and nurture brilliant friendships you can let this process evolve naturally or you can speed it up a little and make sure you are in control – remember the person you will become in five years is massively influenced by this special group.

Here are my five tips for developing fantastic friendships.

  1) Your best friends are the ones who you can just hang out with or call  for no reason.  Write the names of those people and list five things you love about them

  2) Focus your behaviour to become more like the five things on your list

  3) Attract some new people into your life.  Do this by saying ‘yes’ more often, go for it! Introduce yourself to some new people at the next event you attend or be mindful of the person you wish to become in the next five years and go to the places that type of person hangs out.

  4) Be prepared to cut some people from your group.  If someone is negative, jealous, saps all of your energy from you and wants to bring you down , find a way to move on – you don’t need or don’t deserve negativity

  5) Be a brilliant friend to the folk you know will; support you, be there for you and encourage you to step up.  They are very special so treat them brilliantly.  What can you do for those special friends today?